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Posted Dec 8, 04:50 pm under .

my fingers are sore from practicing the piano for an hour and a half tonight.

This is one of the little baby steps I’ve been taking to “reclaim” the little bits and pieces of me I let fall by the wayside over the last 7 years since getting married and having the kids. I’m really glad to be playing again, but the anxiety of needed to be perfect for my lessons is getting a little nutty. I know I don’t have to be perfect—I’m certainly not concert pianist grade, but there’s still a little piece of me that doesn’t want to do the lessons for my instructor at all if I can’t do it right immediately—or just do it half-assed for myself alone instead.

I’m finding that this is actually a struggle I’ve been trying to deal with lately—the attitude of if you can’t do it easily and perfectly than it’s not worth trying hard at all or just waiting til it has to be done (procrastination). Is this just my personality or did it come out of some event back in my school days?

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You know… I do remember an event—in fact, I feel the red hot burning sensation of humilation from that day right now. Just to keep things simple, it was a project for school that I worked my ass off on only to be ridiculed in front of the whole class about how it was done WRONG. That was the one and only time I ever swore at a teacher. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t think he ever truly apologized—said I needed to learn how to take criticism. Sorry, don’t think that kind of critcism would ever be helpful. Prick.

Guess I’ve got some thinking to do about that one. For now, I’ll just plug away at these pieces for my enjoyment—once it’s not fun anymore, I’ll know it’s time to stop.

Thoughts?

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